Adopt A Free Virtual Pet

Adopt A Free Virtual Pet

Commentary: Score! I just found a nickel! Hey everybody...!

Thank you so much for your interest in wanting to adopt a free virtual pet. You and others like you deserve medals, the lot of you!

Virtual Island Discovered

In 1999, the Allied States of America discovered a tiny island off the coast of Australia. There explorers found a self-sufficient nation calling itself Virtua-Land.

This was not a normal first contact with a new tribe. It was quite extraordinary, because as soon as the explorers set foot on land, they lost consciousness, only to awake in what we, the enlightened term Virtual Reality.

Original Settlers

As it so happens, the inhabitants of Virtua-Land were English settlers who'd reached the island in 1646, and were immediately assimilated into a virtual environment by artificially intelligent technology. This technology was leftover from a crashed alien spacecraft of unknown origin.

Each physical body of the settler was well taken care of, kept on a bed in an air-conditioned room, with intravenous nutrients and waste disposal. The settlers were so well treated, in fact, that they eventually lost track of their original mission of colonization, and settled into their virtual environments with the greatest enthusiasm.

Inside The Virtuality

Inside the Virtual Reality of Virtua-Land, a near-utopia was created, which allowed people to find money lying around practically all the time. Especially in discotechs. At first, some of the humans seemed to have difficulties adjusting to perfect lives, as they apparently craved some sort of challenge. This was compensated for through Daily Ego Stimulation, which entailed having each human resident repeat a daily mantra of, "I'm living in paradise because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!" Believing they deserved paradise was all it took to right the situation.

For centuries, the inhabitants were left to their own virtual devices, kept immortal and suspended in simulation by alien technology. When the Americans landed in 1999, they were assimilated as well, but thanks to video games, they knew the difference between the Virtual Landscape and true reality. In fact, many of them commented that the graphics were quite lame.

Forced Exodus

It was for this reason that the Americans felt compelled to "free" the native inhabitants from what appeared to be a poorly designed video game prison. The original inhabitants protested, but were eventually overcome by the armed forces of the Allied States Freedom Movement.

The Americans then decided to nuke the island, for fear that the technology would somehow spread itself. The Artificial Intelligence sought to preserve its own existence, and at the last moment transferred all of its essence as Virtual Pets over to the servers of Sim Sandwich, the hit role playing food preparation game.

Discovery of the Virtual Pets

Players of Sim Sandwich were at first dismayed to see intelligent dogs, cats, and goldfish hanging around online, but were soon saddened by the news that if the Virtual Pets were not downloaded by December 21, 2012, they would cease to exist.

There are currently over four million Virtual Pets from Virtua-Land in existence. Only a handful have been downloaded, or as the government terms it, Adopted. Adoption doesn't cost anything, and caring for the Virtual Pet is less a chore and more a delight.

Won't you please adopt a free virtual pet?