Deep And Meaningful Quotes

Deep And Meaningful Quotes

Commentary: Thou shalt respect thy gun-toting priest.

Deep And Meaningful Quotes, by Father McTrigger.

"There are only so many fish in the sea. Get married now."

"Tomorrow's just around the corner. The dishes can wait."

"If you have to ask, be ready to pay."

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"No, I'm not Superman."

"I almost forgot, look out for that bus!"

"Hey, just because I'm drunk, it doesn't mean that I'm not the same guy who was always there before either, and if you can't agree with that, then, then I think, you should just forget about it, OK?"

Deep And Meaningful Quotes, Part II:

"I ran out of gas this morning, which is why I'm not wearing any pants."

"Tell your boss that there's a new cat in town. His name is Whiskers."

"'Cause Malted Ham is the Jam, Sam I am, Iraqistan!"

"How many politicians does it take to ruin the economy? Just one."

"Say, you wouldn't happen to know the Muffin Man, now would you?"

"Don't drink that! Drink this."

"Why are there no more? Why you ask? Well, I'll tell you why. I ate them."

And now, a little back story. Father McTrigger was born in 1896, the son of a haberdasher and an actress. Constantly confronted with the sin of working performers, McTrigger decided to dedicate his life to religion at an early age.

Reading ravenously, McTrigger took a liking to deep and meaningful quotes, and began writing his favorites in a journal. At age 8, he created his first original quote, and hasn't stopped ever since.

At age 13, McTrigger left school to become a monk. After 12 years of independent study, McTrigger finally passed the God Bar Exam ("you must be this religious") to become a priest.

Henceforth, McTrigger adopted the name Father, and became the Father McTrigger we all know and love today.

Well, not quite.

It was many months before news of his deep and meaningful quotes journal became well-known. At that point, he could have become a wealthy man, but McTrigger opted instead to donate most of his newfound capital to Rockefeller and Associates.

McTrigger was then met with a large amount of public disdain, and it was at that point that he lost the ability to give a sermon that would be taken seriously.

McTrigger reconsidered his life's work, and then realized that he'd known the secret to success all along. After all, the name he'd been given at birth, his Goth Name, held the key. The answer was... guns!

McTrigger took a sabbatical from preaching, and spent five years on a cattle ranch teaching himself to shoot.

This effort eventually proved mostly futile, as McTrigger's ultimate choice of weapon was a shotgun, and that didn't require the same kind of aiming skill as he'd spent so long acquiring. Nevertheless, McTrigger returned a stronger, more confident, more capable man.

From that point onward, no one would dare risk questioning McTrigger ever again, lest they be shot. Except for poor Billy Jenkins Jr., God rest his ignorant soul.