What Is My Gothic Name

What Is My Gothic Name

Commentary: Miss Ravencrow Neversmiles, are you crossing your eyes?

Every so often, we tend to wake up one morning in a sort of dreamy haze, with one all-important question lingering in our minds: "What is my gothic name?"

It's finally time the public know the truth. The fact of the matter is this -- your gothic name is actually your real name.

Sorry to disappoint!

If you're still reading, it must mean that you haven't completely dismissed the answer above as rubbish. In fact, you're probably willing to hear some of the reason that went into establishing it, aren't you? Well strap yourself in!

Ok, so we all know the world is going to Hell, right? I mean, what could be worse than simultaneous threats of a peak oil catastrophe, global climate shift, famine, drought, and nuclear Armageddon? I don't think things could look too much worse. But hey, that's my opinion. And living in my mansion on a hill, I can afford to proclaim that the end is nigh. After all, I've invested in Euros!

Anyway, since things are starting to look bleak for reals then the whole Goth scene loses its power. I'm serious. What reason would someone have to go around saying, "Life Sucks" as an individual, when the whole herd already agrees that life does indeed suck?

So, keeping that in mind, it has come to the attention of the Syndicate for Unlimited Justice that in order to balance out the universe, a correction must be made. No longer can fictitious names stand alone as having gothic purity. No longer will any attempt be made to connect the creation of a Porn Star Name with that of a Gothic Name. No longer will we live in doubt. For the truth has finally become clear.

"What is my Gothic Name?" you ask...

You, Richard Jones, already have the answer. You were given your Gothic Name -- at birth!