Where Can I Read Funny Text Messages

Where Can I Read Funny Text Messages

Commentary: This award-winning artwork was commissioned by the Nixon Memorial Museum.

Late at night, watching TV, you might often ask yourself, "Where can I read funny text messages?" After all, with so much visual and auditory stimulation from the Idiot Box, it can drive a person mad, desperate for a more reader friendly form of entertainment.

That's where text messages come in. And they are everywhere. You can often find them in bathroom stalls. What better way to relax and let 'er rip than by reading up on all the latest names and numbers offering "A Good Time?"

Aside from the John, there are also some funny text messages to be found in the Bible. Trouble is, you have to be holding the Good Book upside down in front of a mirror under a black light during a Lunar Eclipse. Only then will the secret ink glow brightly enough to read the latest Holy Gossip.

Are you impatient? Maybe you're muttering, "Where can I read funny text messages now?" So sorry to keep you waiting. Of course you're not reading this from a bathroom stall. Of course there's no lunar eclipse! And besides that, who keeps a Bible handy these days? Aside from a ripped out copy of Revelations, the answer to that question is No One! The Book has been outlawed by President Wal-mart, of course.

Getting back to your question, funny text messages can often be found by scouring the internet. But that can take years, and cost millions of lives. No, we need a better solution. Simpler, safer, and more effective.

By George, I think we're on to something here, partner! Say... What if you were to continue watching that Television gizmo of yours, but instead of channel surfing to avoid commercials, you muted them?

With a commercial muted, you can sit back and relax, enjoying silent imagery without suffering through blasting messages of hope and possible futility should you decide not to buy. Plus, every so often there will be a textual message that, taken out of context, should prove hilarious!

These muted commercials are especially powerful in the darkest hours of night, when the Human Mind has shifted into the Dreamy Mode. This mentality has been artificially recreated in labs scattered throughout secret underground bunkers hidden by the government. Experiments utilizing new technologies and substances relying heavily on Code Name Mary Jane have effectively allowed people to tap into the Hilarity State, an off-shoot of the Dreamy Mode, between the hours of 12 noon and 2pm.

This breakthrough allows textual messages of all kinds to be found funnier than ever. From billboards to license plates, from T-shirts to bumper stickers, every word is a hoot when you're doing your part as a government lab rat.

So join up today, and before you know it, you won't be able to hide from the funny text messages!